>> August 31, 2008

I'm sorry it has been so long since I have made an entry on this blog.
I'm still here. I just haven't known what to say.
Yes, I have had plenty to blog about.
Merritt and Mason BOTH started school 2 weeks ago.
And we took pictures (that I just uploaded off of my camera.)
Molly is now 15 months old and is growing in so many ways.

I have just been in a strange place.
I've been soooo exhausted. I just want to sleep.
Which I think is a symptom of where I have been emotionally and spiritually
(not to mention that I need a new mattress and its tooooo hot to sleep well at night).
And as I have been praying about all of this, I am realizing that I have been grieving a bit -
grieving the loss of my expectations and hopes for a couple of my friendships
grieving for a friend over the loss of her expectations for her family
and in the midst of that, my grandma passed away last week.

But my God is so good.
He uses this time in my life to draw me closer.
To reveal himself as my comforter.
And to teach me.
He brings me joy in my tears.
He brings me new opportunities to be light to my loved ones.
And He makes Himself tangible when I need Him the most.

I am getting on an airplane early tomorrow morning to go to my grandmother's funeral.
She LOVED the Lord and soooo looked forward to the day she got to be with Him.
So as I grieve my loss, I rejoice for my grandma.

Next time I'll post pictures.

9 responses:

Christy September 1, 2008 at 4:06 PM  

Rhonda, thank you for the honest post. I have been in a very similar place. I usually know when the Holy Spirit is trying to get my attention because it comes in the form of not being able to sleep. I am struggling with many things and will write to tell you more. I am sorry about the loss of your grandma but oh so happy she is dancing in heaven and rejoicing with her Lord. All sorrow and pain that we know here shall pass when we see his face. Isnt that amazing! I love you friend.

The Keilers September 1, 2008 at 5:34 PM  

I also thank you for your honesty. And I relate to just not knowing what to say. Sometimes in these blog worlds we post the smiles and the fun weekends, but we leave out the behind the scenes stuff. It's times like you're in now that God builds our character and gives us hope. And hope is the only thing that doesn't disappoint us at the end of the day (Romans 5). And it's just like you said, our hope is in a good God. He comforts us. This weekend I've been listening to a really good song by Rita Springer called "Worth it All", I think you'd love it. One line has been really touching me and it says, "You hold onto all of my pain and with it you are pulling me closer and pulling me into your ways." The whole song is about trials and trusting God, believing that it'll all be worth it.

Just want you to know you're not alone. And God will see you through this just as He has so many things before. Praying for you.

Crystal September 2, 2008 at 9:43 AM  

If you need ANYTHING while you're here, don't hesitate to call. I know you'll have family around and probably be very busy but if you need someone to take you for coffee and/or pray with...I'll be here. You'll be in my prayers.

Becky September 3, 2008 at 9:36 AM  

I am so sorry for your loss. It's amazing the loss and trials that God puts us through. They are so difficult to understand and times and then they become so clear later on. I want to write to tell you my husband really enjoys your voice. I love the music on Sundays, it's so wonderful to beable to worship God in that way.


Debra D. September 3, 2008 at 4:44 PM  

Rhonda, Robin and I were just talking about you last night while excercising. The Lord has really put you on my heart. I see your wearyness and am holding you up in my prayers. You have accomplished so much in the time since coming here to Hanford.......all that, and having a new baby to!! I think the Lord bringing us all together through the bookclub is for more reasons than we know, I think he wants us to uphold each other and lean on each other and pray for each other. We will all be praying for you and recognizing when you are under attack. If you need anything, please call on us. I love you and want you to know how much your presence at EPIC has meant to me and many others!! My sympathy to you in your loss.
Love and prayers,

Eileen September 5, 2008 at 7:40 AM  

You and your family are in my prayers. Love, Eileen

Anonymous September 5, 2008 at 12:57 PM  

We love you and are praying for you Rhonda! Sorry for your loss.

Anonymous September 5, 2008 at 7:49 PM  

I'm sorry for your loss. I feel your pain. I will be praying for God's strength. Debbie Walters

Amanda September 16, 2008 at 1:16 PM  

thanks for popping by...and for your recommendation. actually that is exactly what my pedi recommended...and it helped SO much! in fact, i will have to amend my blog post and add that...just in case it might help someone else. praying for you in your weariness...in your loss...in just the place you are in life. not sure what the loss of expectation and hopes with friendships involve for you...but that so resonates with my heart...with some weariness of my own in regards to where God has me with friendships right now...where he has me in life in general.

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