>> February 4, 2010

I have to be honest with you ..
I have struggled lately to get here and post (as if it isn't obvious).
Really I have struggled since last summer.
Early in the summer I had someone tell me that I'm not careful enough about what I post here and that, although I don't name names, people can figure out who I am talking about.
That caused me to question EVERYTHING I posted and put me in this downward spiral concerning what I should and shouldn't post.
Before that comment to me, I had considered this blog useful for 2 purposes:
1. To share what we are up to with family and friends that we don't get to speak with much and
2. To share my walk with God

#1 is why I started the blog, because a blogging friend (who doesn't blog anymore) REALLY encouraged me to do so.
But, #2 gave me purpose to keep going on this blog.
It seemed to make it have a little bit of meaning for me. And from emails and comments and phone calls, God was using those posts.
And yet, it is in those posts that I must have shared something I shouldn't have. (That person couldn't give me specifics.)

So I have struggled.
I have prayed about whether or not I should even keep this blog going (for my 5 or 6 readers?).
I mean, what is the point if I can't be honest with you?
Because it is in the honesty that God has used me through this blog.
Thus the lack of posts since the summer - a season in my life that has brought more tears, struggle, spiritual attack and growth since I can't remember when.
With all that I was going through emotionally and spiritually I just couldn't post random family goings on and pretend that all was well.
It just felt so dishonest.

God has been speaking to my heart about this though.
I realize that I have let well-meaning, good people who strive to follow Christ quench what the Holy Spirit was trying to do in and through me.
I'm sorry for that. This truly has been a time of stretching and growing for me. A time of growing closer to God and learning how to follow Him more closely.

And I feel like God has given me some direction regarding this blog.
One of the things I have read about every January for the past few years is the idea of NOT having a New Year's resolution, but rather having a word to focus on for the year. I'm not sure who started that, but this year I prayed about what my word would or should be if I were to join the ranks in the "word of the year" thing.
My word was WORSHIP (and I'm joining the ranks).

So I'm going to focus on worship here on this blog this year.
Really, that means the sky is the limit because worship is about how I live my life.
It SHOULD affect the way I eat and exercise, what kind of wife and mom I am, what kind of friend I am, how I treat those that are unlovely, what I give back to God versus keep for myself, how I handle not only the amazing things that instantly cause me praise God, but also the difficult trials that I WILL go through...
Part of my focusing on worship has ignited a new passion for using every gift God has given me (not just music) as an act of worship.
It has been the catalyst for Through The Lens Of Worship.
(if you have no idea what that is, click on the link and see what God has been up to with me and photography)
And honestly, Through The Lens Of Worship is where I will focus most of my blogging energy.
You will find my photo worship experiences on Exposing Grace on Wednesdays.
I have decided to dedicate Wednesdays to worship here too.
And I'm going to be honest.
If I offend you in any way, I'm sorry. I have never meant to do that.
So the plan is to at least be here once a week (more than you've had in quite a while around here ; ) ), on Wednesdays. I will do my best to be here more, but life with my 3 hooligans is busy and time is precious.
For those of you who have been praying for me - THANK YOU!!!
For those of you who had no idea about any of this - THANK YOU for being patient with me!!!
I love all 5 or 6 of you!!!
See you Wednesday (if not sooner).

7 responses:

Eileen February 5, 2010 at 7:51 AM  

I also rarely get on, and rarely (monthly maybe?) contribute to my own blog, typically showing a picture of something or someone in my life. What I do absolutely LOVELOVELOVE about this blog thing, is that I've been able to reconnect, or connect (as the case may be) to people such as yourself. People who have meant so much to me in the past, but for whatever reason, have geographically or personally not been in close touch. I love being able to hear your thoughts and listen to your soul. Through good and bad. Your wisdom inspires me and has often helped me to get back on track. I'm thinking... maybe I should be more transparent in my blog. Whatever. Thank you for this post. Please don't stop. Love you.

Angela @ HomegrownMom February 5, 2010 at 9:16 AM  

Rhonda, you have no idea how many times your posts have blessed me! Part of this one here, I want to cut and paste so I can put it in my journal.

When God gives you a word through someone, isn't it always confirmed? Don't listen to one critic! I know I let myself get taken in by negative people, too, and my resolution this year is to stop! There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, and the way He corrects us does not leave us feeling condemned, but convicted and hopeful, and at peace with the change we need to make.

Yes, there are times good friends can offer kind correction, but ultimately if the Holy Spirit hasn't convicted your heart, then I will tell you what my mom says: If they have a problem with you, it's because there's something wrong with them!

You are awesome and bless so many. I look forward to reading your posts on worship, this one really got to me!

Jessica February 5, 2010 at 4:13 PM  

I look forward to seeing/reading your worship :) I think that is an awesome word for the year and a great goal.

Jolene Grace February 6, 2010 at 12:36 PM  

Oh Rhonda, I do understand. Being a Pastor's wife automatically puts you into the limelight, and it seems everyone has an opinion about what you say, do, the way you look, raise your children, etc. I am SO GLAD to hear that you have decided to continue to share your heart and life with us. You inspire and bless me more than you know. Thank you! I can't wait to read more!

Crystal February 10, 2010 at 7:50 PM  

Thank you for your heartfelt honesty. You are brave to be so transparent and this type of transparency is what helps people.

Your life "is" worship...the cupcakes, the hooligans, the baseball games, the mission trips, etc...and that's how you've kept it real. I love what you're doing with THrough the Lens of Worship. Because you and Bruce have chosen to be leaders in the church you will endure much more criticism than us lay leaders...and for that I am so sorry. People can be ruthless. I also pray that in every hurt, you feel God drawing you close to Himself.

And this has been a hard season for me too and I haven't wanted to blog about any bit of it. Nothing too close and personal. But there's a tiny tiny light at the end of this tunnel and you've inspired me to blog about it.

Crystal February 10, 2010 at 7:53 PM  

Oh and just because only 5 or 6 comment don't think that's all that follow your blog. Sometimes I meet people for the first time and they mention my blog..I'm like what? People actually read my blog?

Christy February 11, 2010 at 10:51 PM  

OK I'm the 7th to post a comment here girly. :) I think if the people you are "talking" about think you are talking about them and are offended they should stop reading........did I say that out loud? Dont stop posting. You have been on my heart for weeks, forgive me for not calling and checking in on you. Keep posting, keep praying, keep us up on your fabulous heart of worship. Being real is better than not being at all.

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